This is not about the 90s TV show. I’m talking about people who enter your space and stick around for whatever reason, but aren’t family.

I made some really good friendships during my school years. After leaving school, though, we all sort of went our own ways. The friendships sort of petered out. I have no idea if others in the “gang” stayed friends, but I lost touch with all of them. Perhaps it was losing the catalyst of being at school, the shared experiences of academic life. Perhaps it was because we no longer met up in classrooms or playgrounds, every day of the week. I don’t know.

I have always been a bit of a loner. I was rather shy, and it often took me a long time to feel comfortable with others. In the world of work, I had colleagues, made acquaintances, but not anyone with which to go out for an evening after work.

That said, once I had got past the awkwardness, there were some people that became very dear personal friends. Sadly, they are no longer with us, and I miss them.

Through my late husband, I made a lot of friends. We shared interests, and spent a lot of time together over the years. At the time, it didn’t occur to me they were all much older than me! They were Paul’s generation, but they were—still are—my friends. 

Now, more than a year after being widowed, I’m trying to make new friends. I haven’t had a proper “best mate” since leaving school in 1980. You know what I mean: someone who’s up for a night out, going shopping together, or just hanging out. 

I joined a local model club, and I’m beginning to build acquaintances—I recognise the faces, but the names won’t stick yet! Just recently, I’ve also been trying to make better friends with immediate neighbours. There have been various invitations to parties, we’ve started a monthly coffee morning, and it’s fun. It makes me feel I belong in a small community, but I’m not sure I will find a BFF there.

The Covid pandemic caused some rifts. I used to go to a weekly meeting of an ad hoc modelling club. All the members were old friends, and we also made new acquaintances along the way. Then Covid came, and we couldn’t go to the meetings. Recently, it was suggested I might like to come along to see what my friends had been up to. It was fantastic to meet again people I hadn’t seen, or spoken to, for more than five years. I hope we can meet more regularly, and not lose touch again.

Of course, over the years I have made lots of friends via various online forums. Some of them I’ve actually met in real life, and they’re just as nice as their online personas. Unfortunately, many of them are some distance away, half a world in some cases, so regular “meatspace” meetings are not frequent. My calendar flagged up the birthday of one of my online friends. We’d been part of an online community, with shared interests. Community meet-ups had been had, and it was great to meet everyone in the real world.

However, forums shut down, people head off to various social media, and for various reasons we lost touch. As usual, I missed the community spirit. When the last bastion, Twitter, headed for the sewer, I closed my account, losing the last contact with the old community. I did make a new online home, in the Fediverse on a Mastodon server, and I’ve begun to build a new circle of friends and acquaintances. I am happy there, and it feels a safe space in a world gone mad.

Anyway, I decided to email the upcoming birthday friend. I had no idea if the email would find them, but it did. The next day we had an hour-long phone call, catching up. It feels great to make contact once more, and I hope we don’t lose it again.

Friendships are important, especially with the state of the world at the moment, but to keep them alive we have to work at them. Personally, I’m glad I’ve found the strength to make a proper go at remaking old friendships and building new ones. Look after yours, eh?